Talk Is Sheep

I think one of the hardest questions to ask and be asked in my marriage is what are three things I do that drive you crazy (with a negative connotation). It’s dificult on a lot of levels, but oh so necessary of an evil.

No one wants to hear about their flaws, but when I’m really honest I can think of several things I’ve done just in the past day to hurt or anger Sarah as soon as she has asked the question. In other words I’m expecting most or all of what she’s going to say: I forget to put the seat down, I forget to close the closet door, when I get angry I stop talking, I’m not very thoughtful of my passengers when I’m driving, and the list goes on and on.

No one wants to nag or criticize their best friend. I especially don’t like answering this question because I feel like Sarah knows what I’m going to say, the same way I mentioned earlier. But here is an opportunity to be gracious instead of critical and to be loving instead of nagging. Instead of offering a critical opinion unsolicited, humbly soliciting this information without fear of retribution can lead to great revelation!

Last night Sarah and I went through this exercise (thus the post). It was dificult for all these reasons, but important, even necessary for growth. You see, if you allow for these opportunities, there is no need to nag or be angry for accidents or oversights. Sarah has been doing one particular thing lately that has been bugging me. It was a trivial little quirk that just peeved me. I knew she didn’t realize she was doing it, but I also knew it was private and concerned an area that she’s typically very sensitive about. Some wrong ways I could react to this might be anger, annoyance, or frustration. It would also be wrong to simply bottle up the feelings. By asking me what she did that drove me crazy, she gave me permission to let her know in a very constructive way that I would appreciate it if she would change that particular behaviour.

The key here is to be constructive. Who gets defensive when we haven’t consciously given permission to be criticized? We all do. Defensive attitudes prevent constructive change in relationships.

Tags: Anger, Connotation, Emotional Health and Wellbeing, Health, Kids and Teens, Marriage, Relationships, Sarah

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 27th, 2009 at 1800 and is filed under Things We Do, Things We Say. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.