My No Good, Terrible, Feel Bad Day
Yesterday I had one of those days. You know, the one where no matter how much free time you have, you don’t get anything done. No cleaning, no work, definitely nothing productive. And I’m not talking about the relax and do nothing kind of days. Those are good, but yesterday just felt bad. I think I got stuck in the endless loop of laziness which in the end led to an overwhelming feeling of depression. Thoughts start coming in like, “I’m a bad wife”, “I’m disorganized”, “WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!”. I think somehow I got caught up in all the lies I was agreeing with so that by the time Lee came home I was in such a state that I had wrong expectations of him. “Lee will get mad at me”, “He’ll think I sit around all day and do nothing”, “He’ll think I’m worthless”.. .
How deceptive is the enemy? I am always surprised when I realize how I’ve made those wrong agreements. How did I get here? How did I let myself not only believe the lies but wallow in them?
Would you like to know what I found out yesterday when Lee came home? I found out that there is redemption and forgiveness in love. I found out that my marriage can reflect the love that Christ has for me when we allow ourselves to be forgiven and forgive ourselves. What a wonderful thing to know the love of Christ within my marriage. That even on the days when I’m making it hard not only for myself but for Lee, that he’ll still open his arms and tell me that I have a safe place in them.
So how am I doing today? Today is a day of hearing truth. It’s a new day.