Yes, our plan includes to read and research, but beyond all the book-learnin we do, the most important thing in our lives (and our hope for our children) will be their relationship with God. Allowing Him to have the ultimate control over our children, and knowing in fact, that before Lee and I were ever born that He already knew our children, knew the whole of their lives, their giftings, their choices. Our prayer for this child and the rest of our children is that they will have a relationship with Him and that it will be the most important thing in their lives.

I hope we can be the parents that they deserve. We’re already so in love with this baby that is currently only the size of a lime. Thank you, Jesus, for the opportunity to be the parents of whoever this child is going to be.

* State the facts about the issue
* State how it made us feel
* Say what it would take for us to feel resolved

This is called Clearing (you know, as in clearing the air). Sounds so easy, right? For men, yes, we know it works as evidenced by Lee’s experiences on his retreat. However, it being untested as of yet (as far we know) with women, it occurred to me to say…”This sounds like a great idea, and I am so willing to try it out next time we’re in an argument…however, I’m not sure it would work well for me…or any woman…”

A little back story…
We watched “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage” in 2010 and one of the things that we learned is men focus on one thing at a time – they have the uncanny superpower of being able to put things that are bothering them in a box and forget about it until it is brought up again. For women, it seems to be a little different, but if there is something that is bothering a woman, it will be connected to every thought she has regardless of it’s bearing on the current situation…(so yeah, we’re multitaskers!)

With that being said…we decided to have a “Clearing” session right then and there on an argument that we had already resolved to see how we could have done better, which seemed like a good idea at the time! Lee led out with his facts (which I agreed with – but wasn’t allowed to say at the time because it wasn’t my turn yet…), then with how it made him feel, and then what he needed for a resolution. Keep in mind that by this time, I’ve already started to say my part about 50 times, so when it was finally my turn I really went for it. I made sure that he knew that I agreed with him on the facts, and then I got into my feelings…and that’s when we started to realize where the problem was with Clearing between men and women. I didn’t have just one feeling about this issue, I had 109,948 feelings that had all arisen from this situation and because this feeling was attached to that action which led to this other feeling…

When I finally came up for air, Lee looked like he’d been drowning for about the 10 years that I had been going over my feelings and I burst out laughing. After he got over his shock, he said “…well, you did warn me this could happen…” and burst out laughing, too.

The moral of the story is Clearing didn’t really work out too well for us the way that it was intended to, but it has left us with a good way to diffuse the situation when we’re in a disagreement. All one person has to say is “Want to try Clearing” and we end up laughing about it all over again.

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Gentlemen, I must admit I’m a hopeless romantic. This is a plus when it comes to the lady of the house. In fact it was how I won her heart. Blame it on watching “You’ve Got Mail” etc. with mom and Clint. But I must equally own up to being thoroughly and completely manly. I don’t really need to go into details, but suffice to say there are days when there is only one thing on my mind. It involves the girl, but not much else. Thusly, I have developed the mantra of “Remember the GIRL.”

Unrelated, I just created a “Girl from Ipanema” station on Pandora. Bosa Nova to the max! Guys, bosa nova is ultra romantic. Which brings me to the title reference. While listening to said Pandora I got totally hopelessly romantic in the general direction of The Lady. And like rolling thunder across the fruited plains, I brainstormed some romance with her. When we got home I interrupted everything that we were doing upon arrival, plugged in the Pandora box and we danced a ditty to some hep Bosa Nova. Needless to say some fanatical romance broke out all over the kitchen.

I started this as a draft during lent. For whatever reason I never got a chance to finish it, so I’m just re-writing it. No biggie.

Sarah and I just got back from a whirlwind of a trip to Greensboro, NC to attend and work the Church of God of Prophecy International Assembly. That’s long-winded for we taught children at a convention. Specifically we taught children the importance of being devoted to God. It’s an awesome and important topic for old people as well, but I’m going to focus on the surrounding idea that Sarah and I teamed up for this.

We minister and teach children biblical principals regularly at our local church, Providence West Chester. But last week was a little bit more intense a schedule. So to the point, marriage and ministry, and what I think about it: it’s awesome, it’s fun, and for now, children’s ministry is a ministry that God has called and gifted Sarah and I both to do.

Ministering with Sarah is awesome! While we both have similar education backgrounds, we’re different people and think in different ways. So while I’m usually the more program-oriented person, we found that for the assembly I was more program-oriented in figuring out, how we would make it, and how we would fly it down to Greensboro. Sarah had to remind me regularly that what was important was the content of the lessons. I argued with her to the point that we could use the environment to harness the children’s fickle attentions and give depth and color to the lessons. But, Sarah is essentially right and we’re able to also use curricula and our own brains to develop engaging and meaningful classes for children together.

Ministering with Sarah is fun! I mean really, if you know our personalities you know we’re pretty bent on having a good time and enjoy ourselves. This applies especially when we work together on things we enjoy. Teaching and ministering to children is tough work, but it can be rewarding and even enjoyable. Being able to do this with Sarah really brings that home for me. We saw, appreciated, and responded to our differences during the classes last week. My favorite thing to do is characters, she is particularly gifted with the object lessons and the bible lessons. I love to watch her as she works with the kids in the ways that she is gifted.

Ministering with Sarah is what we’re called to do! At home, at Providence, Sarah actually directs the elementary ministry. I don’t know what that entails, and I don’t want to. I loathe admin stuff and recruiting volunteers etc. But we still teach the classes together. And while every Sunday we teach, we have to discipline ourselves to spend the time to make the lesson excellent, it is always a joy to finish a lesson and review it with Sarah. We trust God that His Spirit is speaking to the children, knowing that He has a purpose for them and we are a small, if tiny part of that plan.

Living in a world where it’s equally common to divorce as it is to marry, I struggle with the fear of ending up in a situation where someday Lee and I find it more favorable to separate than to stay together. Even though we’ve already agreed that this is our Plan, our Only Plan…that there is no Plan B and we are determined to make it right and make it work, the enemy always finds those little ways to make you doubt.

Back to the radio show, as I was listening, the speaker was discussing the reasons that so many people “fall out of love” with the person that they vowed before God to love til “death do us part”. Among them, and the one that really struck me as important to remember, is that we lose sight of the value of our spouse.

Those days when you are first dating and learning so much about each other, the value is extremely high. Each glance, each time you hold hands, each time you talk on the phone is extremely important. You want to LEARN more, you want to INVEST in the value that you see in that person and see what your investment returns.

Then after you finally marry, you can live in bliss for the rest of your days as you bask in the rays of the HONEYMOON phase…right? Hmmmm…maybe not. And that’s when things start to get hard. When the normal routine of your day is no longer focused completely on those blissful feelings of “I married the man who makes my heart go crazy”, but the reality of routine, and the realization that marriage is hard work. It’s a full time job.

Last night after I told Lee I really didn’t feel like I was getting enough face to face time with him (I’m a woman…I need these things , we sat out on the back porch and just talked about the earthquake/tornado/tsunami that has been our lives for the past two months. In these situations, I take stock of my investment and I can again reaffirm that Lee is committed to me, and I him no matter how hard it gets. After probably a year and a half of feeling like: “Wow, I still can’t believe I got to marry this amazing man” I finally realized that I did believe it, but it was normal now. It was the reality. I can look at him and see that he is not perfect, but despite those imperfections, I can see the value in him. I can respect him for the decisions he makes and trust in knowing that aside from God, I am next in line in his priority list.

So in our face to face chat last night, I confessed that I really felt like I was out of the honeymoon stage of our marriage. At that point, Lee said, “Yeah, I think I’ve moved into the roommate stage.”

“Uh. That doesn’t sound too good.”  I said…”I’m at least in the best friend stage…you know with romance involved.”

“Oh yeah…the roommate stage includes all of those.”

So, if we’ve moved on to these various stages…how can we maintain a high value of each other throughout the rest of our lives? The thing that works for us is to continually work and educate ourselves on what an amazing marriage looks like. So far we’ve done The Love Dare, watched Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage, and Lee has attended Marked Men for Christ. All three of these things are Biblical/God Centered approaches to living. As long as we make God the priority in our lives and find our contentment in Him, I believe our investment in each other will continue to allow us to find the value in each other in marriage.

I was going to be punny and tie this in with something Wall Street-y…but I just don’t know what I’m talking about!

This spring has been a crazy time for Sarah and I. We’ve encountered two of the toughest situations outside our marriage that I think a couple can encounter. The first is an ongoing family dispute. As things unfold with various family members I can’t help but hope I am my own person and that is why Sarah married me. I find myself hoping that she didn’t marry me because she’s tragically doomed to be attracted to people who hurt her. Here we are approaching year 3 of our marriage and I’m still coping with the fear of inflicting hedgehog style damage on the most precious person in my life. But the fact of the matter is I am my own person covered by the grace of God and dedicated to making better decisions for us each new day. And when Sarah and I chat about this, it is clear to us that a humble, malleable attitude is really a key to a successful marriage. Still I’m learning that growing up and being a man is to be a man of integrity. It’s silly to think, almost embarrassing, that I struggle with doing what I say I’m going to do when I say I’m going to do it. I’m terrible about this in every aspect of my life. But I’m working on it. And it feels like growing up.

The second major speed bump came along in May when Sarah’s grandfather’s liver cancer took his life. It was a long, difficult month seeing him degrade in 4 weeks after he lived pretty comfortably for several years with the cancer. It was a huge learning experience for me. This was really hard for Sarah and she might share her feelings about it. But for me it was in the most positive way, an opportunity to serve and love Sarah and her family. In the most negative and selfish way, it was a major disruption of family rhythm that we’re still recovering from. I’m learning that rhythm is important to me in the way that it is how I manage my time and accomplish tasks. When we canceled everything on every weekend of May to head up to be with pappy, I had to let go of all my expectations and be present with Sarah and her family. Things around the house weren’t getting done, plans were being canceled or delayed and our already busy schedule got chaotic. Two months later, Sarah and I still feel like we’re picking up the pieces. We’re getting things done, and trying to get back into a rhythm that is healing the hurts of a lost loved one while helps us gain control of all of our commitments and our household day to day management. It is hard work.

But through all this we’re learning more and more about each other. If we weren’t we’d be missing the point and we wouldn’t be growing as people, together. It gives me so much joy to sit down with Sarah and dive into all the thoughts and emotions we’re ashamed of and say to each other – ouch that hurts, but I love you. We’re growing up, and it’s a state of humanity I often take for granted. People are always changing. Everyday is an opportunity to be someone different, for better or worse. So here’s to making today better!

His point system is really based on a complex system of task definition. Points are earned based on each task’s time consumption, financial investment or gain, difficulty rating, and effort and attention requirements. Therefore when the man goes to work, this is at least a thousand point process considering this is 8 hours of his life just to start. Then he has to deal with all of the other variables like workload, co-workers, and management. In all by the time he gets home he has easily awarded himself at least 1 million points just to get up, go to work and come directly home. And so by the time he is home he a) wants dinner and b) wants to play video games.

In stark contrast by the end of the day, a woman has awarded the same gentleman in the above paragraph exactly 3 points. He woke up, one point. He went to work, one point. He came home, one point. Meanwhile she has also earned 3 points for the same exact things. In my household, since my wife (in the game ) works from home (WFH, FTW), she has also probably fed the cats, washed some dishes, straightened a room, and done the laundry. This gives her a grand total of 7 points by the end of the day.

If you’re keeping track, the man of the house thinks the score is 1 million to meh – well, he probably hasn’t bothered to give her a score. While the lady of the house thinks the score is 3 to 7. The real trick of the game then is to manage the discrepancies in the point systems. This turns out to be really easy to do if done in a well-planned strategy for each party.

For the man the best strategy is to keep things real, and keep things small. While only receiving one point for 8 hours of work and devoted faithfulness may seem like a huge disservice, this one point system also works for itty-bitty acts of thoughtfulness directed to his wife. So the man’s strategy involves two major tactics – keep the size and time of the task to a manageable minimum and always be spontaneous and thoughtful. For example, when buying roses, one rose will get you the exact number of points from the lady as a dozen roses – one. So, buy one rose. But, if you just buy one rose everyday for the rest of your life, at some point the lady will not be as inclined to give you any points. Summarily, do little, spontaneous things that communicate to her that you are actively considering her during the course of your day. This is a winning strategy!

The woman has a very simple strategy despite the man’s complex algorithm’s for point acquisition. In effect, start out by being thoughtful and spontaneous, if that fails, go big, and if that fails, sex. Though you may find that skipping the first and landing on the third will just work faster.

By following these strategies the man and woman of the house will maintain a peaceful co-existence. The most important aspect of a peaceful household is that both the husband and the wife can be free to and encourage each other to expand, explore and enjoy all of their interests and hobbies.

p.s. I earned exactly 1 point for 637 words. Just sayin’.

Let them eat marshmallows on their cake.

Sarah has teamed up with some our awesome lady-type friends to do some out-of-this-world baking. So while I and my gentlemen brewers are concocting the latest and greatest homebrew, the ladies are doing some kitchen chemistry of their own.

Do not joke about baking dear readers. In this masterpiece there are home made marshmallows. The process here is way over my head so I couldn’t really relate it to you – ask Sarah.

The name of this cake is the hot chocolate cake (though I may be mistaken). It really did taste like hot chocolate. It also melted my brains. I’m not really a huge chocolate fan. In terms of chocolate cakes there are only two that I enjoy, Texas sheet cake and red-devil’s food cake. This latest chocolate rendition may have topped them.

The weekend the ladies baked this was a wonderfully early warm weekend. There was brewing – we were brewing or bottling a blonde and had a whole crew over. The kitchen was a massive hub of conversation, laughter and Ricky Gervase impersonations. The smells of the chocolate, vienna malts, Czech saaz hops, and grilled meats filled the room. The light and the warmth of the sun kept the doors and the windows open to the outside as we spent time indoors and out.

In the words of dear father, “that’s what’s it’s all about.”

photographed in 2008 by Sarah Creasy

We need to do something to get started on here again. So I’m starting the picture of the day. I’ll also share a FUNNY story: – last night Lee was installing a new fan in our living room and asked for my help. As I’m holding up a VERY HEAVY piece that gets attached to the fan, he says I can let go…so I do…and God knows why I decided stand around in the danger zone because before I know it that VERY HEAVY piece has come unattached and crashed right into my FACE!

After a bloody nose and an ice pack, I urge Lee to go finish (because it’s better to wake up with a sore head and a new fan, then wake up with a sore head and a mess but no fan.)

Long story just a little longer: The fan looks great!