Talk Is Sheep

Suffice to say that Lee and I currently know little to nothing about being parents. We found out two days before Lee’s 30th birthday that our plan to start trying for a baby had succeeded in a big way and instead of the 2 years we anticipated waiting, we now had just 9 months til we would meet whoever this miracle would be. We were beyond ecstatic and more than likely a little shell-shocked but we were in agreement and on our way to our next big accomplishment and adventure.
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Well, we did it. We bit the bullet and BOUGHT OUR VERY OWN HOUSE! It was a whirlwind of a purchase. When we initially put in an offer, we imagined months and months of waiting, counter-offers, and all that jazz…well we were in for a surprise. It only took one counter offer to hit the number that the buyer was comfortable with, and literally only a week and a half from first offer to the text message from our realtor saying “The buyer accepted your offer.”

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Gentlemen, I must admit I’m a hopeless romantic. This is a plus when it comes to the lady of the house. In fact it was how I won her heart. Blame it on watching “You’ve Got Mail” etc. with mom and Clint. But I must equally own up to being thoroughly and completely manly. I don’t really need to go into details, but suffice to say there are days when there is only one thing on my mind. It involves the girl, but not much else. Thusly, I have developed the mantra of “Remember the GIRL.”

Unrelated, I just created a “Girl from Ipanema” station on Pandora. Bosa Nova to the max! Guys, bosa nova is ultra romantic. Which brings me to the title reference. While listening to said Pandora I got totally hopelessly romantic in the general direction of The Lady. And like rolling thunder across the fruited plains, I brainstormed some romance with her. When we got home I interrupted everything that we were doing upon arrival, plugged in the Pandora box and we danced a ditty to some hep Bosa Nova. Needless to say some fanatical romance broke out all over the kitchen.

I started this as a draft during lent. For whatever reason I never got a chance to finish it, so I’m just re-writing it. No biggie.

Sarah and I just got back from a whirlwind of a trip to Greensboro, NC to attend and work the Church of God of Prophecy International Assembly. That’s long-winded for we taught children at a convention. Specifically we taught children the importance of being devoted to God. It’s an awesome and important topic for old people as well, but I’m going to focus on the surrounding idea that Sarah and I teamed up for this.

We minister and teach children biblical principals regularly at our local church, Providence West Chester. But last week was a little bit more intense a schedule. So to the point, marriage and ministry, and what I think about it: it’s awesome, it’s fun, and for now, children’s ministry is a ministry that God has called and gifted Sarah and I both to do.

Ministering with Sarah is awesome! While we both have similar education backgrounds, we’re different people and think in different ways. So while I’m usually the more program-oriented person, we found that for the assembly I was more program-oriented in figuring out, how we would make it, and how we would fly it down to Greensboro. Sarah had to remind me regularly that what was important was the content of the lessons. I argued with her to the point that we could use the environment to harness the children’s fickle attentions and give depth and color to the lessons. But, Sarah is essentially right and we’re able to also use curricula and our own brains to develop engaging and meaningful classes for children together.

Ministering with Sarah is fun! I mean really, if you know our personalities you know we’re pretty bent on having a good time and enjoy ourselves. This applies especially when we work together on things we enjoy. Teaching and ministering to children is tough work, but it can be rewarding and even enjoyable. Being able to do this with Sarah really brings that home for me. We saw, appreciated, and responded to our differences during the classes last week. My favorite thing to do is characters, she is particularly gifted with the object lessons and the bible lessons. I love to watch her as she works with the kids in the ways that she is gifted.

Ministering with Sarah is what we’re called to do! At home, at Providence, Sarah actually directs the elementary ministry. I don’t know what that entails, and I don’t want to. I loathe admin stuff and recruiting volunteers etc. But we still teach the classes together. And while every Sunday we teach, we have to discipline ourselves to spend the time to make the lesson excellent, it is always a joy to finish a lesson and review it with Sarah. We trust God that His Spirit is speaking to the children, knowing that He has a purpose for them and we are a small, if tiny part of that plan.

I was making the trek back to Bloomsburg earlier this year and as I usually do when I’m in the car, I hit the Scan button and search for something good to listen to. Sometimes I’m looking for something to dance to, other times news, but I settled for one of those Christian talk radio shows that today just happened to be extolling the values of marriage. As I listened, I was reaffirmed in my desire to have an amazing marriage. Not to be confused with a great marriage, but one that works because we work on it and lasts because we continue to see the value in each other. (more…)

This is a post on things that I’m growing in. Just some thoughts. Like a stream of consciousness, but hopefully more focused.

This spring has been a crazy time for Sarah and I. We’ve encountered two of the toughest situations outside our marriage that I think a couple can encounter. The first is an ongoing family dispute. As things unfold with various family members I can’t help but hope I am my own person and that is why Sarah married me. I find myself hoping that she didn’t marry me because she’s tragically doomed to be attracted to people who hurt her. Here we are approaching year 3 of our marriage and I’m still coping with the fear of inflicting hedgehog style damage on the most precious person in my life. (more…)

… called “marriage”. So here’s how it works, you’re a guy or a girl and you’ve just gotten married. The goal of the game is to expand the awesomeness of your lives mutually and maintain a peaceful, yet exciting household. In order to do this there are two point systems, his and hers. In order to achieve the winning conditions the couple must maintain a point difference that is manageable enough to keep angry fallouts to a minimum and succeed in creating an awesome family.

His point system is really based on a complex system of task definition. Points are earned based on each task’s time consumption, financial investment or gain, difficulty rating, and effort and attention requirements. Therefore when the man goes to work, this is at least a thousand point process considering this is 8 hours of his life just to start. Then he has to deal with all of the other variables like workload, co-workers, and management. In all by the time he gets home he has easily awarded himself at least 1 million points just to get up, go to work and come directly home. And so by the time he is home he a) wants dinner and b) wants to play video games.

In stark contrast by the end of the day, a woman has awarded the same gentleman in the above paragraph exactly 3 points. He woke up, one point. He went to work, one point. He came home, one point. Meanwhile she has also earned 3 points for the same exact things. In my household, since my wife (in the game ) works from home (WFH, FTW), she has also probably fed the cats, washed some dishes, straightened a room, and done the laundry. This gives her a grand total of 7 points by the end of the day.

If you’re keeping track, the man of the house thinks the score is 1 million to meh – well, he probably hasn’t bothered to give her a score. While the lady of the house thinks the score is 3 to 7. The real trick of the game then is to manage the discrepancies in the point systems. This turns out to be really easy to do if done in a well-planned strategy for each party.

For the man the best strategy is to keep things real, and keep things small. While only receiving one point for 8 hours of work and devoted faithfulness may seem like a huge disservice, this one point system also works for itty-bitty acts of thoughtfulness directed to his wife. So the man’s strategy involves two major tactics – keep the size and time of the task to a manageable minimum and always be spontaneous and thoughtful. For example, when buying roses, one rose will get you the exact number of points from the lady as a dozen roses – one. So, buy one rose. But, if you just buy one rose everyday for the rest of your life, at some point the lady will not be as inclined to give you any points. Summarily, do little, spontaneous things that communicate to her that you are actively considering her during the course of your day. This is a winning strategy!

The woman has a very simple strategy despite the man’s complex algorithm’s for point acquisition. In effect, start out by being thoughtful and spontaneous, if that fails, go big, and if that fails, sex. Though you may find that skipping the first and landing on the third will just work faster.

By following these strategies the man and woman of the house will maintain a peaceful co-existence. The most important aspect of a peaceful household is that both the husband and the wife can be free to and encourage each other to expand, explore and enjoy all of their interests and hobbies.

p.s. I earned exactly 1 point for 637 words. Just sayin’.

Yesterday I had one of those days. You know, the one where no matter how much free time you have, you don’t get anything done. No cleaning, no work, definitely nothing productive. And I’m not talking about the relax and do nothing kind of days. Those are good, but yesterday just felt bad. I think I got stuck in the endless loop of laziness which in the end led to an overwhelming feeling of depression. Thoughts start coming in like, “I’m a bad wife”, “I’m disorganized”, “WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!”. I think somehow I got caught up in all the lies I was agreeing with so that by the time Lee came home I was in such a state that I had wrong expectations of him. “Lee will get mad at me”, “He’ll think I sit around all day and do nothing”, “He’ll think I’m worthless”.. .

How deceptive is the enemy? I am always surprised when I realize how I’ve made those wrong agreements. How did I get here? How did I let myself not only believe the lies but wallow in them?

Would you like to know what I found out yesterday when Lee came home? I found out that there is redemption and forgiveness in love. I found out that my marriage can reflect the love that Christ has for me when we allow ourselves to be forgiven and forgive ourselves. What a wonderful thing to know the love of Christ within my marriage. That even on the days when I’m making it hard not only for myself but for Lee, that he’ll still open his arms and tell me that I have a safe place in them.

So how am I doing today? Today is a day of hearing truth. It’s a new day.

Can you believe that in just two weeks we’ll be in the air to India?! I can’t. Everything that we’ve been praying for is falling into place and it’s truly all God’s provision. We have just $45 dollars left to raise to meet our $2500 goal. You can see more details here:
http://indiatrip.chipin.com/childrens-ministry-trip-to-india

Our passports have been mailed back to us this week. We have gotten all of our vaccines (always a fun experience). And it’s official. We bought our airline tickets for the trip last week.

Unbelievable.

I’m left wondering how I can better prepare myself for this kind of trip.  What else can I do but ask that He works through me, Lee, Kathy and everyone else on the team so that the people we’re training are truly better equipped to lead children to Christ?

Nothing.

Ahhhhhh. I’m away from Lee for the first time in our 10 and a 1/4 months of marriage. After being with someone at least 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, for 10 months (minus the night he spent in the hospital), I was kind of amazed that I didn’t just break down when I realized that an essential part of me (my heart, as discussed in the previous post) wouldn’t factor into the equation for about 4 days. There is a major difference that I have noticed from the time I spent apart from Lee when we were just dating to these last couple of days we’ve been apart now that we’re married….a marked increase in Lee calling me on the phone! I love it! When we were dating, it’s more than possible that I pursued Lee by telephone more than I should have…and in general ripped him off as being the pursuer at times. Now that we’re married, it’s a rare (and wonderful) occasion that we would take time to talk on the phone while we’re not in the same place. I think I’ve learned a lot about confidence since we’ve been married. Not self-confidence…but a confidence in what our marriage means to both of us. By letting Lee take the lead in calling me, I’ve been able to see that he views me as a priority, that he’s willing to take time out of the daily grind to know that he is thinking about me while I’m away. That I’m important to him. And that he misses me, too. I hate to say it but the old adage rings true for me. This week I’ve been able to just appreciate Lee. He’s a wonderful man. And even though I’m only his arm. At least it’s attached to his hand. That I can’t wait to hold again.