Talk Is Sheep

Well, we did it. We bit the bullet and BOUGHT OUR VERY OWN HOUSE! It was a whirlwind of a purchase. When we initially put in an offer, we imagined months and months of waiting, counter-offers, and all that jazz…well we were in for a surprise. It only took one counter offer to hit the number that the buyer was comfortable with, and literally only a week and a half from first offer to the text message from our realtor saying “The buyer accepted your offer.”

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Lee and I are always looking for ways to communicate better, especially in the midst of a disagreement. So when Lee returned from a men’s retreat, he was just bursting at the seams with ideas on how we could fully resolve any issue with no hurt feelings or tears (on my part since my emotions all tend to come out of my eyes). It sounded great when he told me that all we would have to do is the following:

* State the facts about the issue
* State how it made us feel
* Say what it would take for us to feel resolved

This is called Clearing (you know, as in clearing the air). Sounds so easy, right? For men, yes, we know it works as evidenced by Lee’s experiences on his retreat. However, it being untested as of yet (as far we know) with women, it occurred to me to say…”This sounds like a great idea, and I am so willing to try it out next time we’re in an argument…however, I’m not sure it would work well for me…or any woman…”

A little back story…
We watched “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage” in 2010 and one of the things that we learned is men focus on one thing at a time – they have the uncanny superpower of being able to put things that are bothering them in a box and forget about it until it is brought up again. For women, it seems to be a little different, but if there is something that is bothering a woman, it will be connected to every thought she has regardless of it’s bearing on the current situation…(so yeah, we’re multitaskers!)

With that being said…we decided to have a “Clearing” session right then and there on an argument that we had already resolved to see how we could have done better, which seemed like a good idea at the time! Lee led out with his facts (which I agreed with – but wasn’t allowed to say at the time because it wasn’t my turn yet…), then with how it made him feel, and then what he needed for a resolution. Keep in mind that by this time, I’ve already started to say my part about 50 times, so when it was finally my turn I really went for it. I made sure that he knew that I agreed with him on the facts, and then I got into my feelings…and that’s when we started to realize where the problem was with Clearing between men and women. I didn’t have just one feeling about this issue, I had 109,948 feelings that had all arisen from this situation and because this feeling was attached to that action which led to this other feeling…

When I finally came up for air, Lee looked like he’d been drowning for about the 10 years that I had been going over my feelings and I burst out laughing. After he got over his shock, he said “…well, you did warn me this could happen…” and burst out laughing, too.

The moral of the story is Clearing didn’t really work out too well for us the way that it was intended to, but it has left us with a good way to diffuse the situation when we’re in a disagreement. All one person has to say is “Want to try Clearing” and we end up laughing about it all over again.

I was making the trek back to Bloomsburg earlier this year and as I usually do when I’m in the car, I hit the Scan button and search for something good to listen to. Sometimes I’m looking for something to dance to, other times news, but I settled for one of those Christian talk radio shows that today just happened to be extolling the values of marriage. As I listened, I was reaffirmed in my desire to have an amazing marriage. Not to be confused with a great marriage, but one that works because we work on it and lasts because we continue to see the value in each other. (more…)

Let them eat marshmallows on their cake.

Sarah has teamed up with some our awesome lady-type friends to do some out-of-this-world baking. So while I and my gentlemen brewers are concocting the latest and greatest homebrew, the ladies are doing some kitchen chemistry of their own.

Do not joke about baking dear readers. In this masterpiece there are home made marshmallows. The process here is way over my head so I couldn’t really relate it to you – ask Sarah.

The name of this cake is the hot chocolate cake (though I may be mistaken). It really did taste like hot chocolate. It also melted my brains. I’m not really a huge chocolate fan. In terms of chocolate cakes there are only two that I enjoy, Texas sheet cake and red-devil’s food cake. This latest chocolate rendition may have topped them.

The weekend the ladies baked this was a wonderfully early warm weekend. There was brewing – we were brewing or bottling a blonde and had a whole crew over. The kitchen was a massive hub of conversation, laughter and Ricky Gervase impersonations. The smells of the chocolate, vienna malts, Czech saaz hops, and grilled meats filled the room. The light and the warmth of the sun kept the doors and the windows open to the outside as we spent time indoors and out.

In the words of dear father, “that’s what’s it’s all about.”

Yesterday I had one of those days. You know, the one where no matter how much free time you have, you don’t get anything done. No cleaning, no work, definitely nothing productive. And I’m not talking about the relax and do nothing kind of days. Those are good, but yesterday just felt bad. I think I got stuck in the endless loop of laziness which in the end led to an overwhelming feeling of depression. Thoughts start coming in like, “I’m a bad wife”, “I’m disorganized”, “WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!”. I think somehow I got caught up in all the lies I was agreeing with so that by the time Lee came home I was in such a state that I had wrong expectations of him. “Lee will get mad at me”, “He’ll think I sit around all day and do nothing”, “He’ll think I’m worthless”.. .

How deceptive is the enemy? I am always surprised when I realize how I’ve made those wrong agreements. How did I get here? How did I let myself not only believe the lies but wallow in them?

Would you like to know what I found out yesterday when Lee came home? I found out that there is redemption and forgiveness in love. I found out that my marriage can reflect the love that Christ has for me when we allow ourselves to be forgiven and forgive ourselves. What a wonderful thing to know the love of Christ within my marriage. That even on the days when I’m making it hard not only for myself but for Lee, that he’ll still open his arms and tell me that I have a safe place in them.

So how am I doing today? Today is a day of hearing truth. It’s a new day.

Do you know that after almost a year and 3 months of marital bliss,  I found out something new about my husband? Imagine…not knowing him absolutely after a year?! A couple of nights ago, I heard this tap-tap-tapping sound as I was trying to sleep. Thinking it was the cats playing, I decided I’d give them the benefit of the doubt, close my eyes, and try to fall asleep. Ahh, sweet sleep, I’m just about to start dreaming I know it, when…tap tap tap.

Hey. This is closer to my head…and the cats are nowhere to be seen. “Lee…? Is that you?”

Tap tap tap…”Yes.”

“What are you doing?

“Drumming.”

Hmmm. It turns out that after a  year and 3 months Lee has broken out the drumming that he used to do when he tried to fall asleep…but has stopped doing because he was afraid it would keep me up. Well, it did keep me up. But, I was intrigued and a little excited to find out something new about Lee. I urged him to keep going, but he politely declined for the sake of both of us getting some sleep. Maybe next time I won’t say anything

Merry belated Christmas from the little drummer family! Here’s to a new year in hopes of finding out many new things about my husband!

But you wouldn’t be able to tell that from the amount of time we spend posting. So sorry for anyone who actually depends on us! Here’s a little screenshot of how we’ve been flirting lately.

Upcoming updates will include:
1. India Trip
2. Overhaul of all of the stuff we have horded in our house
3. Holiday Plans/Trips
4. And so on!

Much love,
Sarah

Ahhhhhh. I’m away from Lee for the first time in our 10 and a 1/4 months of marriage. After being with someone at least 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, for 10 months (minus the night he spent in the hospital), I was kind of amazed that I didn’t just break down when I realized that an essential part of me (my heart, as discussed in the previous post) wouldn’t factor into the equation for about 4 days. There is a major difference that I have noticed from the time I spent apart from Lee when we were just dating to these last couple of days we’ve been apart now that we’re married….a marked increase in Lee calling me on the phone! I love it! When we were dating, it’s more than possible that I pursued Lee by telephone more than I should have…and in general ripped him off as being the pursuer at times. Now that we’re married, it’s a rare (and wonderful) occasion that we would take time to talk on the phone while we’re not in the same place. I think I’ve learned a lot about confidence since we’ve been married. Not self-confidence…but a confidence in what our marriage means to both of us. By letting Lee take the lead in calling me, I’ve been able to see that he views me as a priority, that he’s willing to take time out of the daily grind to know that he is thinking about me while I’m away. That I’m important to him. And that he misses me, too. I hate to say it but the old adage rings true for me. This week I’ve been able to just appreciate Lee. He’s a wonderful man. And even though I’m only his arm. At least it’s attached to his hand. That I can’t wait to hold again.

Welcome to “Comparing and Contrasting the Sexes – Episode I”. In this installment I’ll be examining the importance we place on the significant other in terms of physical relation.

I recently said of Sarah that in her absence I was missing my right arm. She deftly replied that she was missing her heart. These quotes I’m sure a driving you readers batty with 7th grade level cuteness and exclamations of “awwwwww…” etc. etc. But I particularly thought that this was an interesting observation of our perceptions of each other. (more…)

In a lot of ways I’ve found my relationship with Lee to be unique. I know everybody has their own quirks, and we’re just two crazy people who managed to meet and somehow fit pretty well together. We like to do crafty projects together (well we start them…and they’ll usually get done within a year or two). We make up and sing opera‘s in the car. One thing that took us a while to find our niche in was hand holding. Anyone who’s been around me for an extended amount of times knows I’m a toucher. I’m a hugger, a back scratcher, and I am definitely a hand holder. The first time Lee held my hand it was a simple twining of our pinkies. So minuscule, but so meaningful. Little did Lee know that with that gesture, I’d be an insatiable hand holder. At first we’d try the intertwined fingers. This was somewhat painful and if I had to hear Lee say, “I don’t like holding hands like seventh-graders” one more time, I would kick him! (no offense to anyone who enjoys holding hands this way!). OK…so we moved on to the “hand clasp”. Where all fingers are kept close together and fit right next to each other’s thumbs. OK…this will do sometimes…but I’ll admit…there’s something joyous about the “seventh-grade” hand hold that was lacking with this one…So after many months of alternating and a little griping…we managed to find a compromise that fits both of us like…two hands in the perfect hand hold! Each time we hold hands now, we pay homage to that first time we twined pinkies.